I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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