doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
