Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
