i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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