I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
