Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
