I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
