Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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