Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to be your penis for a week.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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