i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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