It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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