$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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