made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
