Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this will be a night to untag.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
