He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
