hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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