Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
