You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
