THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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