It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
