hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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