How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
