so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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