dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
