My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
