2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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