Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Green mimosas i think yes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize