My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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