At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
