is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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