Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
