Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this boner is exhausting
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
