Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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