babies were throwing up all over the place
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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