Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
