Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
