He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I cockslap morals
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
