I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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