Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think people are normalizing furries
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
