woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
