He kissed a someone with a penis
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
