Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
