HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
