what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
