i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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