ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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