Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
