if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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