When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize