At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
