this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize