Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
