I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
