oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am spending my child support on dildos
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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