I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
