Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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