So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
