Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
