I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize