Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
