Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
