Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize