If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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