just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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