So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize