Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
