spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
