You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
