I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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