my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
